Carissa posted this to the prophecy request site a few days ago:
Feeling so lost. Stuck. Alone. I spend one on one time in my faith journal with God nearly every night. I have never been one to have discernment, and I have so much going on in my mind with my traumas, and mental illnesses, and self-medicating that I can’t seem to even think clearly anymore. I feel like I’m losing my mind. I’ve been prophesied over throughout my life and have been told many times over that God has a “mighty call” on my life. I know that the trauma He has kept me through is going to help someone someday, and my heart is constantly heavy thinking about all the souls that need to be saved by His grace and filled with the Holy Spirit – but I am filled with so much rage at the same time, and I have anger and resentments that I confess each night in my faith journal, but I always seem to harbor new ones. The traumatic incidents I’ve endured have not exactly been easy for me to forgive and forget about. I need a word. I need to know where I stand with Him lately. I’ve been angry with Him too because things are constantly going wrong. Something, daily, is lost, damaged, stolen, whatever. It gets tiring. I’m exhausted. I try to surrender little by little, but I always fall back into the same messed up place I’ve always been. I never seem to move forward. I was just in a bad situation two nights ago, and have been abused physically and emotionally and mentally the past 2 months due to someone’s reaction to my bad attitude. He says I have an ugly soul because I’m so mean, but I know I don’t have an ugly soul really. I’m just in a bad place right now. I need guidance. I pray for it every night. I pray for God to make me over and become the woman HE needs me to be, so that He can use me for His greater purpose. I just never seem to make progress. I always keep a list of gratitude along with my confessions of sin and praising Him and prayer requests. I don’t know what I’m not doing right. What’s wrong with me? I need to hear from Him. Please. God, I’m crying out. I need to hear from You.